[imported from livejournal and backdated]
The end of the year is a really sucky time to do anything.
We're
living in a predominantly Christian society which means we started
getting introduced to the Christmas stuff early (I think some places
started in October) and now we're drowning in it. Most of Perth is out
Christmas shopping which means we're doing ours during the week when
it's nice and quiet coz everyone else is at work. We don't even really
do Christmas, not in the sense everyone else is used to anyway which I
think is either pissing them off or they think it's weird and just
steamroller over us in an attempt to keep everything normal for them. I
deal with it.
Going to Christmas Island on the 11th. I had
explained to me what was happening with the house but still don't quite
get it. I'm sure it will be explained again closer to the time. We
finally got a decent passport photo for Ruan. Got Karen next door to be
guarantor. Now we need a witness to watch us sign the bloody thing or
at least write their name on it to say they saw us sign the bloody
thing. Then pay extra money so we can get the passport within two days
rather than ten because we don't have ten days.
We want to renew our Dockers memberships.
The
house needs a clean. I can't seem to find the time or motivation to
storyboard or 3d, mainly coz by the end of the day I'm tired and
braindead and it seems to numb out the bits of my brain that do arty
things. My desk needs cleaning and the entire house could do with a
declutter. The dining suite is getting delivered tomorrow, then we
rearrange furniture and see where we can fit a couch and perhaps a
single seater. Also need to pick up that other futon frame someone said
we could have. I can't remember who, it was one of Josh's friends.
It's all just a leeeeeeeetle bit hectic and stressful.
I
thought when uni was over we could chill out. And we are chilling out
just a little bit. Josh is a lot happier and has slowed down. I have
my Josh back, the easygoing guy I originally fell in love with. We have
a bit less time to spend together seeing as we have two kids and I tend
to spend a lot of time not talking to him partly because perhaps out of
habit he's preferring to watch tv or just muck around on his computer
to chill out rather than spending too much time with me. He is spending
a bit of time with the kids though which is a good thing. Especially
for Tao who has missed his daddy lots. Mainly though not a lot has
changed coz we're still being antisocial with each other and it's silly
season so we're spending a bit of time Christmas shopping. Good thing
we're only doing it for family otherwise I would have needed to start in
June. Ruan's Welcoming Party is being held on Saturday so we get to
spend some time with whoever rocks up, seeing as we prefer food and
friends for solstice rather than drowning in presents. We get the food
and family deal when spending Christmas with family but still drown in
presents. I know it's meant to be a side effect of Christmas but it
always seems to take over, specially when the predominant Christmas
questions for kids are "have you been a good boy/girl this year?" "Is
Santa going to come?" "How many presents did you get?". I'd like to
hear more "Did you have fun?" "What did you do?" type questions more.
But that might be wishful thinking, we do live in a consumerist
commercialist society.
Josh is headed out to Raytheon tomorrow to
give the presentation to the navy brass. He's going to be a while.
I'm trying to decide whether to take the kids out to Freo and try to do
the Christmas shopping we didn't get to do much of today because I'm an
idiot and forgot the pram and after that couldn't get the kids to sleep
coz Josh was too busy pimping our ride and is deaf and thus couldn't
Ruan screaming her head off which prevented Tao from going back to sleep
and subsequently me screaming at him to come get her. Which ended up
with me tandem feeding and then Tao buggering off and spending the rest
of the afternoon cranky because he wouldn't go back to sleep, and me
feeling annoyed with Josh and tired and unable to get my break for the
rest of the day. By the time I got both kids down for the night I
couldn't be bothered storyboarding which is what I'd been hoping to do
this afternoon during the kid's naptime and tonight. And at some point
or other maybe reconnecting with Josh, but to be honest I have
absolutely no idea how to do that. We've been so busy leading our own
lives while he was at uni that it feels like we're more very close
housemates than anything else. That Pattern is so ingrained it's really
hard to change. I guess it doesn't help that I want to change it but
he doesn't seem to see the need to change it so that doesn't help. And
it's not really going to matter even if I do talk it out with him coz he
is extremely habitualised and even if we decide to make changes, he'll
just fall back into the old pattern. And I'll get bored of trying and
do the same.
Still, I guess something should be done on that front.
I
also really need to improve relations with my son. The last three
weeks of him needing to be babied, plus teething, plus refusing to eat,
is taking its toll. Add that to his constant night wakings and the lack
of sleep I had from when I was pregnant and it makes for one cranky
bitch mum. He's been boundary testing lately and throwing tantrums when
refused things, and I've been reacting very badly and spending a lot of
time yelling at him and even smacked him once, which pissed me right
off coz I don't smack him and I don't believe in smacking either. Today
was another great one where we were ducking over to see Karen and she
wasn't home yet, so headed home. Tao didn't want to go home coz he
wanted (yet another) outing (coz the trip to Freo wasn't outing enough)
so refused to come inside. He's not allowed out the front because there
is no fence and we're spitting distance from a major road, so I pulled
him in and he was so busy throwing a tantrum that he whacked his head on
the doorframe, which of course was my fault coz I was pulling him into
the house at the time.
I know he really needs more interaction
and things like that from both me and Josh, and more attention and all
that other stuff. I guess Josh is pretty tired as well recovering from
uni and also having the occasional sleepless night with me, and when
tired I tend to stick to the computer. Think I need to get back into
the habit I had earlier of not hitting the computer (or at least not
hitting it much, I join a few Yahoo groups and I start getting spammed,
fucking Yahoo) while Tao is awake, and just doing stuff with him unless
he wants to do stuff on his own.
Also need to try to work out a
new pattern for our lives. We'd then need to rework it again once Josh
starts working (whenever that may be) and again when Sprat moves in. I
reckon it'll be great when she moves in and everyone else can't wait coz
they think it will be just great when she does. Point is, we can't
really do it now coz everything is in upheaval. And I hate this kind of
transition.
Guess we'll make it somehow.