Sprat: I want your hand for my sandwich.
8yo: No.
Sprat: Why not?
8yo: I need my right hand for writing and drawing and I need my left hand to help my right hand carry stuff!
Sprat: Yes that's a good reason.
Why you need both hands
Stuff the kids have said recently
7yo (about one of 9yo's friends): He always chases me when I don't want to be chased and doesn't chased me when I do want to be chased! Boys are just like that!
me: It doesn't get any better as you get older.
9yo (watching the Speed Racer movie): It's really bad.
me: Why are you watching it then?
9yo: I'm just watching it so I can go "WHAT?!" at it.
Blinded by science
[following a discussion about vampires and zombies and what times they're active]
5yo: Mum pretend you're a zombie!
me: I'm too smart to be a zombie.
5yo: Stop blinding me with science!
[not much later]
7yo: I can tell the future! I predict Daddy will be home soon!
me: Will he be wet?
7yo: Maybe a little bit...unless there's an unexpected thunderstorm.
me: If you can tell the future then it shouldn't be unexpected!
7yo: I can't predict thunderstorms!
me: But you can tell the future!
7yo: ...now you're blinding me with science!
me: It's not science it's just logic.
Arachnidding
9yo: Why is there a giant spiderweb there? It's really bugging me. Or arachnidding. Or something.
Doo-wop
I told 7yo and 5yo they would have to wait a couple of hours for a box of frozen raspberries to defrost.
5yo: How much is a couple?
me: Two. Dua. re.
7yo and 5yo: Doo-wop! Doo-wop! Doo-wop!
me: [laughing too hard to correct them]
Stolen crackers
JJ: Ahh you've got some crackers there!
5yo: Freshly stolen from the English!
If it's relevant then it's ok!
[9yo was carrying on like a pork chop about doing his maths workbook.]
9yo: Do I haaaaaaave toooooo [bleat whine moan etc]
me: It's on the way to stuff you'll have to know to be an engineer.
[9yo's eyes light up]
9yo: Oh in that case it's okay!
[9yo hits the books]
Three eyes
5yo: Mum when can I play the old Minecraft that we used to play?
me: ...? ...tomorrow after bookwork.
5yo: Mum when can I have computer?
me: When you can show me that you're responsible enough to have one.
5yo: When can I have a third eye?
me: ...I guess when medicine and technology advance enough.
This was all part of the same conversation.
So much dumb things on internet
[5yo is sitting on my lap watching Youtube, he watches a clip I have a very low opinion of]
me: That was really, really dumb.
5yo: There's so much dumb things on internet!
As he said it in a rather sing-song voice I'm wondering if he is parroting that from somewhere and if so, where :)