[5yo is sitting on my lap watching Youtube, he watches a clip I have a very low opinion of] me: That was really, really dumb. 5yo: There’s so much dumb things on internet! As he said it in a rather sing-song voice I’m wondering if he is parroting that from somewhere and if so, where :) This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

me: We’re going to find out how people lived in the 1900s! 7yo: how long ago was that? me: so long ago not even Great Nanny was born then. 7yo: the Stone Age? me: …[trying not to laugh]…not that long ago. 7yo: Romans? me: not that long ago either. 7yo: [thinking]…Tudors? me: that’s probably closer. This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

5yo: creepers are the same as TNT just with legs and green and walking. This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

[9yo is playing one of the board games on Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag and is winning] me: Careful, he may have something up his sleeve. 9yo: They’re pretty tight sleeves. me: That’s coz they’re modelled on. 9yo: I know that! This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

[7yo comes running inside, I tell her it’s bathtime] 7yo: But we found a grasshopper or a locust outside! me: How do you know it’s a grasshopper or locust? 7yo: Because it looks like one! me: Why don’t you look up pictures on the internet and see if you can tell the difference. [We go to 7yo’s room, she grabs a small paintbrush] me: …what are you doing? 7yo [holding up paintbrush]: Scientists have discovered it’s all in the power of touch! And they used a paintbrush!

15yo: Nothing is faster than a Lamborghini! 8yo: Except maybe a faster Lamborghini! This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

[8yo is playing Civilisation Revolution on the PS3, I glimpse a city I think is called Berlin but not sure whether it’s his or computer’s] me [not thinking]: what race are you playing? 8yo [looking at me like I’m an idiot]: …humans. {I kick pre-caffeinated brain into some form of gear] me: what CIVILISATION are you playing? 8yo: Oh. Germans. This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

[7yo pats cat sitting on my lap] 7yo: I’m making Moulty moult on you! me: Moulty? :) 7yo: Malki! But she is malking on you. [realises what she said] Moulting! This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

6yo: Mummy what do you want for Christmas? Me: world peace and everyone to stop shoving their beliefs down everyone else’s throats. 6yo: w…orl…d…pea…ce…world peace I think. [I look over and realise she’s writing a list] This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

8yo (watching me touch type): how do you tap random keys and come up with words? This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License