There’s only multiple schedules because I have multiple people that I need to work with/around. With some assistance from sibling dearest which she started off for me like Spoiler: I have yet to be in bed before midnight x_x I ended up with something that I’m going to be testing and tweaking for a little while til I know what (if anything) needs adjusting or something changes enough to require changing up.

I was intending on trying to get back into the swing of things in the first week of January (including my blogging schedule) with the intention of seeing what in the work schedule that I’d done up (and been vaguely reworking on the fly) needed changing up. I didn’t end up doing the progblog and the work schedule really does need changing up. Though most of what I suffer from is the complete inability to keep to anything resembling time, and the fact that I have to be interruptable because JJ is the one with the full time job with defined hours. So what I had was just stuff that needed to get done on what day, and just doing what I could when I could.

Yeh right like I ever take them. I have seriously been moving like molasses and I really do need to actually change something, but because I’m me I’ll probably just burnout again, have to recover for a few days again during which I’ll relentlessly beat myself up over being an idiot again and that I really should have fixed it before it became this bad again, only to do exactly the same thing down the line again.

The last major gymnastics event for the year is over, which took a lot of pressure off. I finished the photobooks, more pressure off. Then stuff happened with made things ramp up again, and it got so bad that I deliberately didn’t do some mental health stuff that would have helped the frame of mind I fell into because there is literally absolutely no point whatsoever, because I’m wrong and everyone else is right and that’s all there is to it no matter what.

Stuff is ramping up. I’ve been mostly working on photobooks trying to get them done in time for printing and shipping back to the island in the vain hopes it might not get there too late. I’ve also been working on my dice system (it has undergone two major overhauls in about as many days) and roleplaying notes (gained a bit of extra time as the kids didn’t feel like playing the weekend just gone, I brought the stuff over anyway just in case I actually needed it but got to just hang with my friend the entire time).

I should probably start going to bed earlier as I’m constantly tired and staying up late trying to cram more work in doesn’t seem to be working. But I keep doing it because I feel bad about not getting a lot done. It’s a vicious perpetual cycle. I’m also feeling bad because it was my last day at work today, I’ve just found out someone else at the centre is dropping because of the vaccine mandate. I don’t know what’s going to happen with their program, they were the only one running it. There’s been interesting conversations and sometimes I’m wondering if the people claiming “I get it, I really do!” after I’ve explained my reasoning to them do actually “get it” (in fairness some really do even if they made a different decision, and others are really, really struggling with the fact that after considering essentially the same information, how other people could possibly have come to the “wrong” decision). Work is also now severely understaffed and my boss is stressing which is making me stress because I like my boss and there isn’t a right thing to do.

It’s been a few weeks. And then I finally got around to writing this thing, and was making some half-decent progress (while chatting to sibling dearest in our inaugural hopefully weekly project chat and progressing some other stuff as well) and then had one of those infuriating semi-frequent crashes that refuses under any circumstances to be diagnosed (it’s probably hardware because there is literally nothing that I am doing that can reproduce them reliably).

The scales are still going. The only thing that’s changed is that I’m now in the yellow PURPLE section! XD I was in the yellow section when I was writing this progblog, I missed Friday for various reasons to intended to post over the weekend, missed the weekend for related reasons, thought I’d post on Monday, didn’t, thought fine I’ll just cram over the week and the cramming got done but I missed Friday again for very slightly associated with last weekend reasons x_x And I realised after actually looking at ko-fi that I haven’t updated for over two weeks, oops x_x (I only paid attention because they said they were letting gold members trial the tiers and that I had early access to be able to provide feedback, it was supposed to be for gold members but I’m not one so I guess there was either a slow rollout or a trial group, either way it seems to be open for everyone now). Part of the reason for that is because I was doing very short update posts on Tuesday which has now changed to working on something else day (other project or cameos which I really need to get back to as well) and I quite often will work on the Fridays til really late before I actually do and post the progblog (Friday being my designated progblog posting day) so after I’ve posted it I usually just go to bed (because it’s between midnight and 2am by then) and then forget to update when I wake up again.

I’d finished the reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetopo by the end of the last progblog and was working on transferring the texture maps. Only something went kind of horribly wrong and things were getting transferred oddly (I could see the shapes but they weren’t where they were meant to be). I eventually decided to just redo the sculpt and after a moment of confused panic as it’s backwards to how I was starting to normally do things (sculpt, retopo, bake) and I was trying to be careful of the shape of the original mesh, when it entered my thick skull that I can just shrinkwrap the base mesh, and nuts I went.

It’s the little things. I keep getting told not to worry about the tiny little details, because no one will ever notice them. I do sometimes (depending on how long I’m staring at something that I didn’t make). I’m reasonably certain that people might not notice the little details when they’re there, but will definitely notice them or at least pick up something “wrong” when they’re not. Depending on the style of the artwork of course. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself when I’m obsessing about all those little details.