7yo: I'm an acrobat Mummy! I was born to acro!
[following a discussion about vampires and zombies and what times they're active]
5yo: Mum pretend you're a zombie!
me: I'm too smart to be a zombie.
5yo: Stop blinding me with science!
[not much later]
7yo: I can tell the future! I predict Daddy will be home soon!
me: Will he be wet?
7yo: Maybe a little bit...unless there's an unexpected thunderstorm.
me: If you can tell the future then it shouldn't be unexpected!
7yo: I can't predict thunderstorms!
me: But you can tell the future!
7yo: ...now you're blinding me with science!
me: It's not science it's just logic.
9yo: Why is there a giant spiderweb there? It's really bugging me. Or arachnidding. Or something.
[overheard from the kitchen]
JJ (to 5yo): Don't squirt that. Don't squirt that. STOP GRINNING LIKE THAT YOU'RE GOING TO SQUIRT SOMETHING.
I told 7yo and 5yo they would have to wait a couple of hours for a box of frozen raspberries to defrost.
5yo: How much is a couple?
me: Two. Dua. re.
7yo and 5yo: Doo-wop! Doo-wop! Doo-wop!
me: [laughing too hard to correct them]
JJ: Ahh you've got some crackers there!
5yo: Freshly stolen from the English!
...I'd be rich.
Every so often JJ and I and various friends would imagine what we would do with lottery winnings in the unlikely event we were to ever win any amount of it never mind the big jackpots. I always used to think that after paying off the house, funnelling some money into the kids bank accounts, possibly going on a holiday with both sets of parents (either individually or in one big group) and putting some aside to make sure we're set up for life, I would donate any left over to charity.
These days I'm not so sure about the charities.
[9yo was carrying on like a pork chop about doing his maths workbook.]
9yo: Do I haaaaaaave toooooo [bleat whine moan etc]
me: It's on the way to stuff you'll have to know to be an engineer.
[9yo's eyes light up]
9yo: Oh in that case it's okay!
[9yo hits the books]
This is my 7yo and her dog Angus (aka "Angillian and "Ningle Nangle Jangaloid" and permutations thereof, don't ask, I don't know).
5yo: Mum when can I play the old Minecraft that we used to play?
me: ...? ...tomorrow after bookwork.
5yo: Mum when can I have computer?
me: When you can show me that you're responsible enough to have one.
5yo: When can I have a third eye?
me: ...I guess when medicine and technology advance enough.
This was all part of the same conversation.