Creepers are the same as TNT

5yo: creepers are the same as TNT just with legs and green and walking. This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

Five

The youngest is officially “school age” because someone in their infinite wisdom decided that Preprimary should be compulsory. We have graduated from babies and toddlers to all “school aged” kids. I asked him if he would like to go to school this year seeing as he was old enough. No, he says, “I want to home school.” He pronounced it carefully as two separate words. He pronounces everything carefully, maybe because he knows he stammers if he tries to talk too fast or feels flustered.

Kung fu pro-tips

block the other person’s weapon (even if it is a fan) with your weapon (which may also be a fan), not with your hand. Especially if the other person’s fan has metal ribs when lion dance training after taking such an injury, don’t lift the head when you have to hold the mouth shut when walking through door frames, make sure you fit through the doorframe. Do not get distracted by small dogs attempting to run outside, and definitely do not clock the alleged “funny” bone on the doorframe to the point where you lose all feeling in your hand for a little while (preceded and followed by HOLEY SHEET THAT HURTS), especially if it’s the arm with the hand that doesn’t have aforementioned wrist injury on it Not that this has ever happened to me, definitely not in the last week, because who would be so dumb.

The company I keep

Or rather hang around the periphery of and watch. I saw this on the front page of deviantART (hey the front page is good for something after all ;) when I went to log in: [missing image] Lightning La Buff Bust by mattj324 In my usual fashion after dropping in to leave a boring “wow” type comment, I went through the rest of the person’s gallery and then watched them.

Tight sleeves

[9yo is playing one of the board games on Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag and is winning] me: Careful, he may have something up his sleeve. 9yo: They’re pretty tight sleeves. me: That’s coz they’re modelled on. 9yo: I know that! This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

Nine

Just like that, he is in the last of the single digits. He has three friends he considers besties (and occasionally categorises them according to favoured activities with those particular people), and finds it easy to play with other kids he has never seen before and may never see again (I suppose we can be less dramatic, we don’t live in the biggest city in the world). He does some rather scarily accurate trollfaces (do an image search, it’s not too traumatising unless you don’t like caricature).

All in the power of touch

[7yo comes running inside, I tell her it’s bathtime] 7yo: But we found a grasshopper or a locust outside! me: How do you know it’s a grasshopper or locust? 7yo: Because it looks like one! me: Why don’t you look up pictures on the internet and see if you can tell the difference. [We go to 7yo’s room, she grabs a small paintbrush] me: …what are you doing? 7yo [holding up paintbrush]: Scientists have discovered it’s all in the power of touch!

Faster than a Lamborghini!

15yo: Nothing is faster than a Lamborghini! 8yo: Except maybe a faster Lamborghini! This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

Humans

[8yo is playing Civilisation Revolution on the PS3, I glimpse a city I think is called Berlin but not sure whether it’s his or computer’s] me [not thinking]: what race are you playing? 8yo [looking at me like I’m an idiot]: …humans. {I kick pre-caffeinated brain into some form of gear] me: what CIVILISATION are you playing? 8yo: Oh. Germans. This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.

Malking

[7yo pats cat sitting on my lap] 7yo: I’m making Moulty moult on you! me: Moulty? :) 7yo: Malki! But she is malking on you. [realises what she said] Moulting! This work by ryivhnn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License