Stuff the kids have said recently

7yo (about one of 9yo’s friends): He always chases me when I don’t want to be chased and doesn’t chased me when I do want to be chased! Boys are just like that!
me: It doesn’t get any better as you get older.

9yo (watching the Speed Racer movie): It’s really bad.
me: Why are you watching it then?
9yo: I’m just watching it so I can go “WHAT?!” at it.

Acrobat

7yo: I’m an acrobat Mummy! I was born to acro!

Blinded by science

[following a discussion about vampires and zombies and what times they’re active]

5yo: Mum pretend you’re a zombie!
me: I’m too smart to be a zombie.
5yo: Stop blinding me with science!

[not much later]

7yo: I can tell the future! I predict Daddy will be home soon!
me: Will he be wet?
7yo: Maybe a little bit…unless there’s an unexpected thunderstorm.
me: If you can tell the future then it shouldn’t be unexpected!
7yo: I can’t predict thunderstorms!
me: But you can tell the future!
7yo: …now you’re blinding me with science!
me: It’s not science it’s just logic.

Arachnidding

9yo: Why is there a giant spiderweb there? It’s really bugging me. Or arachnidding. Or something.

Squirt

[overheard from the kitchen]

JJ (to 5yo): Don’t squirt that. Don’t squirt that. STOP GRINNING LIKE THAT YOU’RE GOING TO SQUIRT SOMETHING.

Doo-wop

I told 7yo and 5yo they would have to wait a couple of hours for a box of frozen raspberries to defrost.

5yo: How much is a couple?
me: Two. Dua. re.
7yo and 5yo: Doo-wop! Doo-wop! Doo-wop!
me: [laughing too hard to correct them]

Stolen crackers

JJ: Ahh you’ve got some crackers there! 5yo: Freshly stolen from the English!

The Angus Saga

This is my 7yo and her dog Angus (aka “Angillian and “Ningle Nangle Jangaloid” and permutations thereof, don’t ask, I don’t know).

Yesterday (5th of August) at about 7:40pm JJ took both dogs (Angus and my dog Tali) for a walk as he normally does. As he was walking past the Gosnells Football Oval a “stray dog came out of nowhere” and grabbed Angus and started shaking him. The dog was halfway across the road before JJ saw it coming and had grabbed Angus by the time Tali noticed. JJ started screaming at and kicking the dog as hard as he could while Tali bit at back of it. A passer-by pulled over and called the police (who then posted it on their Facebook timeline) and after JJ finally succeeded in driving the dog away, carried Angus to our gate while JJ called Tali (who had broken his collar and was running around naked, fortunately he’s obedient) in. JJ came racing to the door yelling for me and after telling me what happened in one sentence appended “Angus is fucked” and racing off. Our neighbour had come out having heard the commotion and went to the emergency vet with JJ to try to staunch the bleeding.

Three eyes

5yo: Mum when can I play the old Minecraft that we used to play?
me: …? …tomorrow after bookwork.
5yo: Mum when can I have computer?
me: When you can show me that you’re responsible enough to have one.
5yo: When can I have a third eye?
me: …I guess when medicine and technology advance enough.

This was all part of the same conversation.

So much dumb things on internet

[5yo is sitting on my lap watching Youtube, he watches a clip I have a very low opinion of]

me: That was really, really dumb.
5yo: There’s so much dumb things on internet!

As he said it in a rather sing-song voice I’m wondering if he is parroting that from somewhere and if so, where :)